God caught me off guard again tonight.
I was home alone with the little guy sleeping upstairs, too tired to do anything productive but unwilling to send myself to bed while it was still light out or force my mind to engage in something useful. I fed it junk food instead, contrary to the commitment I’ve tried to make not to do that. So I watched a guilty pleasure TV show (a.k.a. a pretty junky one), and scanned social media, and somehow ended up on YouTube watching a music video. All the while a nagging feeling at the back of my mind. Didn’t I just write yesterday about the sad, dangerous, illusionary lure of this kind of thing? Wouldn’t people who are changing the world refuse to waste their precious time and brain capacity and souls this way but put it toward something better instead? Reading a worthwhile book? Spending time with God? Working for a better cause than their own mind-numbing entertainment? Shouldn’t I be heeding the voice of my conscience, something I’ve learned always gives me a much truer contentment, peace? Isn’t this exactly what Satan would want, to chip away at my resolve to live for God in these little ways, subtle ways, a little celebrity gossip here, a little overeating there, and before you know it, you’re a slave to what has mastered you, immobilized for the Kingdom?
You’re probably brushing that off as a bit dramatic. I did, too. And then God brought me back to my senses. Through a Taylor Swift song.
After listening to a few lines of this song, I started thinking that the chorus “I just want to know you better” reminded me of the worship songs that say “I want to know You more,” in reference to God. That’s interesting, I thought. And then the song just started sounding like a copy of those worship songs to me. And I knew, aren’t we all searching for that kind of love everywhere, in every relationship, when we can find it in Him, can find it truly and fully fulfilled in him and no one else? Aren’t these earthly things, these earthly relationships all just tastes of the kind of love he wants us to know, metaphors of it, reflections of it, signposts to point us right to Him?
And then, the song was the signpost. It was a worship song. God blew me away. He found me in my wandering, again. The floodgates that are my tear ducts burst forth, and the tears didn’t stop flowing for the rest of the song. It was a love song to Him. And a love song from Him. Oh, how he loves.
Take a listen, if you like: